Drip Feed

My friend knows so little. We’re close enough to share a shabbos but not my true “backstory”. I’ve contemplated sharing so much more, even sending her a link to this blog, but always chickened out. What’s stopping me? Why shouldn’t she know? We’re friends, right?

With so few people in any variation of the velt that still talk to me, I cling on to her friendship like a lone reed in a sea of permanent golus. And I’m so conflicted in actually saying more than what I already have. Am I so afraid to lose that one friendship that I would be inauthentic to the friend herself? How honest a friend am I to hold back? It bothers me, not being honest. And it is bothering me too much.

Do I stop the drip feed and let the flood of truth come, hoping for the best? Or do I dance around things I know will put off the most well-meaning friend?

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8 responses to “Drip Feed

    • I don’t have many “old friends”. And as they say, the truth hurts. Thanks for the advice, though.

      • While that might be true, withholding truths never ends positively. And if one can’t be them-self, what’s the point.

      • Self-preservation? Happy delusion? To her, I’m a “normal” OTD. And this backstory, chronicled on the blog? Way outside of even OTD norms…

    • Neither. Do friendships need defined goals? Return on investment? Key performance indicators? I do think friendships need transparency. But… this is SO transparent.

  1. I think friendships end up having labels and subconsciously having goals. Maybe that’s the wrong word. It’s not a job interview… But it is real life. Real emotion. Honesty should factor in.

    • I am honest. I’m not… not telling the truth. I’m just not bringing that up. Is that different?

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