Painful Loneliness

Last Purim, our theme was the Wizard of Oz. I dressed the part as the Wicked Witch, my daughter Dorothy. We heard megillah. The baby handled a gragger for the first time.

This morning, my mother called me on my way into work. What was said isn’t important, it’s just in my mid-30s I never thought I would be as hurt by my mother’s comments as I was today. I don’t think I’m that bad of a daughter, I really do try on many levels to please everyone. I’ve failed miserably.

So tonight everyone is going to Purim parties. Dressing up and having so much fun. Enjoying time as a family, of seeing their children excited to dress up. I don’t particularly care for Purim, but it’s hard not to feel an ache of missing out or exclusion.

None of this is particularly eloquent or well put together. Then again, neither am I. And I guess it’s as ok as I choose to make it. Or not.

A freilichen Purim.

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6 responses to “Painful Loneliness

  1. I am so sorry for your pain! I know what you mean by being in your 30s and still being hurt by your mother…

  2. I know it’s easier said, but don’t take everything onto yourself, not everything is your fault. I wish you strenght!

  3. Recently my (step) mother told me that I bring her no “nachat”. While I really try to say in my mind “f what everyone else thinks” this really did hurt on so many levels. My family was I guess modern from what I’ve been told. I don’t know much about the labeling of religion. I am no longer religious. After she said that I truly feel live life to make yourself happy. In your case also your kids. Yes parents words can hurt but it’s your life. In my mind as long as you’re not causing them pain, and I mean physical or intended psychological pain then be happy. We really can’t make everyone in our lives happy…

    • No, that’s very true. It’s so hard to separate logic from feelings sometimes.

      Thanks for commenting.

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