Do you ever have a feeling in the pit of your stomach? About a decision or choice that you made, that’s irrevocable, that you can’t change even when the path is laid out straight behind you?
I’m feeling it more and more lately. There’s a convergence; I feel like right this moment, right now, there’s no way to go back on the choices that I’ve made. I’ve always felt like maybe there was a possibility I could go back to the way things were before. The way I wanted to be before things changed so drastically.
This isn’t necessarily to say that I want to go back. I really don’t think I do. But it’s almost as if I’ve reached that point at which turning back down the path I’ve walked forward on is no longer viable, no longer possible.
The earth has swallowed the last blocks of asphalt covering the road I’ve travelled down in the last 35 years. And while I know in my heart of hearts I can never return, the fact that the road or the possibility is all but disappeared is a sad, lonely and miserable feeling.